WARNING ==== STRONG LANGUAGE AHEAD ====
Ok… You need a tiny bit of context here. Austin Wiggin, Jr. managed a band composed of his three daughters. He believed his girls were going to be amazing and in order to capitalise on their rising popularity he paid for an album to be recorded that the girls had penned themselves. The music was panned and fell out of public knowledge until it was re-released in 1980. Austin Wiggin, Jr. was completely deluded and pushed for something that by rights should never have happened.
This album is the worst piece of musical construction I have ever heard. Where to begin? At first listen, I thought it was a joke but to my horror, it continued, track after track. These people have no concept at all of playing in time! Nothing matches, the drums rush ahead, the guitar lags woefully behind like a six-year-old who insists you wait while he finds the right chord. Topping the whole thing are the disgusting vocals, they are out of tune, out of time and with no sense of tonality. This is not intentionally aggressive screaming of some metal, nor the punctuated spoken word, it’s shit, pouring into my ears and I am practically crying listening to it.
If all of this wasn’t bad enough, it’s fucking preachy as well! The final track on the album is called We Have a Savior.
Why does the world go unholy?
Why does everyone fight more and more?
Don’t they know we have a savior?
All we have to do is believe and pray
It sounds like a fucking five-year-old wrote it, it’s as though they think the public just needs to hear their perspective and we’ll have mass conversions immediately. It’s the sort of music that can bring a snarl to your face. That’s just the vocals too, I’ve practically had to ignore the cacophony that the backing instruments are making.
The whole thing is childish, with the untalented Wiggin sisters giving their perspective on the world, and trust me, I have censored what I want to write here. It is something that I would rather forget. It brings to me a question; why does this exist? I have infinite patience with ignorance, all you need to do is be willing to learn. I have no patience with stupidity and this whole thing is just an exercise in just that. It’s either talentless people being told they can do something, which is sad, or it’s talentless people who are defiant that they are good, which is fucking enraging. Just listen to that drivel in “My Pal Foot Foot”, or “Who are Parents?“.
I can only assume that the reason people like Kurt Cobain cited this album as in their top 5 is just a joke. That I can get behind but I will have very little time for anyone who can tell me the album is actually genius in its construction. I’ll steal a quote from David Mitchell here, “it’s the sign of either a liar or a moron”.
Fuck this album. Fuck it right off and I hope I never have to hear it again.
Is this album for you?
It’s not for anyone. You should all listen though, cause I had to. Go on, I dare you.
- Writing: 0/10
- Performance: 0/10
- Style: 0/10
I always thought the scale started at 1, but it doesn’t merit a 1.